


Put Your Hand Between an Aching Head and an Aching World

by BillieJoeArmstrong



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Simon Lewis, excessive amounts of popculture and sci-fi references, maybe a little homophobia or transphobia in later chapters fyi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-01-10 15:56:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12302547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BillieJoeArmstrong/pseuds/BillieJoeArmstrong
Summary: Alec Lightwood and Simon Lewis are best friends, and have each other's backs, always. The two students are inseparable, and also both hopelessly gay. Will their friendship change when they both start crushing on guys they meet in a café? Probably, but for the better or worse?Part university AU, part coffee shop AU. Featuring trans guy Simon and Alec & Simon friendship. Description sucks but I promise it's worth a read.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I have written in several years, so I'm a little rusty. But there is a serious lack of trans!Simon on here, and I wanted an excuse to write Simon & Alec friendship. So here's this mess.  
> Un-beta'd and being uploaded as written. If you have suggestions for future chapters, please share, otherwise I'll no doubt run out of ideas.  
> Title is from It's Not A Side Effect Of The Cocaine, I Am Thinking It Must Be Love by Fall Out Boy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive any errors, it's 2 AM and I am too lazy to proofread.

Simon heaves his heavy guitar case and amplifier up the flight of stairs leading to what’s to be his home for at least the next two years, until he finishes his bachelor’s degree in media studies at Idris University. When he finally reaches the door he knocks it with his foot, his arms too full to ring the doorbell, knowing his friend and former dorm mate, Alec, would be inside. Alec had moved into the apartment they were going to share over the summer, choosing to live alone over the break over going home to parents who didn’t even try to pretend they didn’t hate him. Simon, on the other hand, had stayed with his mother and sister over the summer semester, and for that reason was only now moving into the shitty apartment he had been paying rent toward for over a month.

“Come on, Alec. Open the door. I still have, like, half a car to unload.” Simon shouts after waiting only about two seconds since knocking. He's feeling impatient. “Dude, hurry up or I’ll make you help me.”

At that moment, the door swings open and a disgruntled-looking twenty-year-old Alec Lightwood steps out, wearing all black, as usual, and an annoyed scowl. “Simon.” He states plainly in greeting, then smirks, dropping his I-could-care-less-that-you’re-back attitude and opens the door wide enough for his friend to walk in. As Simon bustles past him, eager to drop the heavy musical equipment, he smiles back.

“Ha! I said you would miss me!” He places the amplifier inside the front hallway and points at Alec’s face, “you don’t give that grateful half-smile to just anybody!”

“Yeah, okay. I was bored here alone. Izzy came to visit a few times, Clary too. But it’s not like having another _guy_ to hang out with, you know?” Alec defends. Simon’s smile gets wider, hearing Alec purposefully validate him like that. He half suspects that’s why Alec said it like that, putting stress on the “another _guy_ ” part, but even if that is the case, he’s thankful.

Alec is a great friend in that respect, Simon’s insanely thankful that of all the people he had a chance to be randomly assigned a dorm room with the previous year that it was Alexander Lightwood – the best trans ally Simon has ever personally met. He supposes it could have had something to do with Alec being gay, and knowing what it’s like to be shunned or made an outcast for something you can’t control. But Simon has met gay guys who were awful to him, who told him he wasn’t a “real” man-who-likes-men, as though their experiences and feelings were somehow more genuine, or that he was actually just a lesbian (which was extra stupid, in Simon’s opinion, because he had already explained to them that he likes guys.) Simon suspects it's actually just that Alec is a good person, and those are hard to come by these days.

Despite this absolute adoration for his assigned roommate, and the fact that they’re both guys-who-like-guys, there was never anything more than just an instant, epic friendship between Simon and Alec. A friendship filled with bickering and sarcasm and mass overuse of the word “bro”, essentially the embodiment of the term “no homo”, ironically enough. But they had each other’s backs. Alec was there for Simon when he had dysphoria so crippling he couldn’t bring himself to get out of bed, and to be the interfering voice of reason when Simon hadn’t taken off his binder in 12 hours and Alec knew he needed to. Likewise, Simon was there to comfort Alec when he broke down after getting off the phone with his mother, calling him to give a long-distance queer bashing. People would always ask if they were a couple, or other times just assume, “oh you two are so cute together!” they’ve heard on far too many occasions (their responses to which vary from making disgusted faces, to bursting out laughing, to shouting dramatically “Oh god no! I hate him!”) But seriously, there's no attraction. Or at least not enough to warrant a relationship, Simon wouldn’t deny the difficulty he had peeling his eyes off his best friend the first time he saw him shirtless, but really, they weren’t each other’s types.

Simon thinks this all over as he deposits his guitar case on the ground and jogs back down the stairs to grab the next few bags out of his car. Surprisingly, Alec follows him to help.

“What? The faster we get these inside, the faster I can close the front door and stop the cold air getting in.” It was a lame excuse, given it was the middle of summer, and Simon rolls his eyes.

“Yeah sure, it’s definitely not that you missed having me around and want to speed up the moving-in process so we can be proper roommates again”

“Nope, not that _at all_.” Alec says in his monotone voice, but Simon can still hear the sarcasm, and he’s glad again, that he actually has a friend who cares about him.

 

* * *

 

Once all of Simon’s gear is inside, and moved into his designated room, Alec starts making coffee and they sit down in the lounge to drink it and catch up.

“I’ve told you, I’m sorry I didn’t come and visit all summer. But I couldn’t afford to keep paying rent _and_ travel out here to come for a catch-up.” It was true, money was tight for any college student, and Simon had wanted to see his mother and sister. That meant he was better off staying with them all summer, at a house he didn’t have to pay for, than travel between states to visit his friend he’d be living with for the next several months anyway. “Besides, if you were that lonely you could have rented the spare room out to someone.”

“Yeah. Okay. Fair point.” Alec says absentmindedly, as though he had just started contemplating something, “Speaking of which... My sister’s friend is starting art school at Idris this year, and she’s looking for a place to stay. She applied last-minute so all the halls are filled... I was waiting to ask what you’d think about her staying here?” His voice raises in pitch at the end, indicating it was a question, despite not being worded quite like one.

“I don’t see why not. What’s her name?”

“Clary Fairchild.” Simon spits out his coffee at the name of his childhood best friend. “You know her?” Alec questions, grimacing at the coffee now dripping down the faded, leather sofa.

“Ugh… Yeah.” Simon replies, getting up to grab a roll of paper towels and start cleaning the mess. “We went to primary school together. But I uh… Haven’t seen her since before. You know.” He gesturs to his entire body.

“Since before you transitioned.” Alec states knowingly, “All good. If it makes you uncomfortable to see her again then we can turn her down.” Simon appreciates the way Alec says “we”, taking the pressure off him, reassuring him it’s not his fault for turning her down. Even though it sort of is. Simon and his paranoia that everyone who knew him pre-transition is out to get him now.

“I mean, she was a nice person. We could I guess… Talk to her about it?” Simon says, though his words don’t sound confident.

“Don’t feel bad if you don’t want to risk it.” Alec replied, “Although if she’s friends with Izzy, she can’t be too bad about that stuff.” Simon nods, knowing “that stuff” refers to queerness in general. Isabelle Lightwood is fiercely defensive of her brother, Simon knows that much, and there is no way she would be friends with anyone who’s even a little homophobic, and after meeting Simon, he’s pretty sure Izzy avoids having transphobes as friends too, because she’s nice like that. Still, Simon’s not sure he wants to risk it. Although he does need to challenge himself a little, get over this anxiety that everyone’s out to get him.

“Maybe… Uh. Maybe we could meet her in like, a setting that doesn’t require like, one-on-one talking?” Simon suggests, “Like… A casual sort of meet up. Just so I can see if she uh, recognizes me? And is cool with it?” Alec nods.

“That can probably be arranged. I’ll call Izzy and see if she could set something like that up.”

 

* * *

 

They decide to meet up in a café. Izzy organizes it, and invites a few of her other friends from cosmetology school, to keep it casual, as well as Clary. The idea is that Alec and Simon can suss out Clary, for their own safety’s sake, before allowing or denying her the spare room in their apartment.  
Simon and Alec walk arrive at the café together. It’s a nice, little, indie-run place, that appears to specialize in uniquely flavoured hot chocolates. This fact makes Alec scoff as he looks at the notice board outside, advertising such drinks, he had always assumed there was only one flavor for hot chocolates – chocolate. Apparently not. When the two boys arrive, Izzy and the three friends she invited are already sitting, waiting for them.

“It’s now or never.” Simon says, psyching himself up before making eye contact with Izzy across the room. Alec puts his hand on Simon’s shoulder in support, guiding his roommate toward the group before he can chicken out and turn and run.

“Hey guys!” Izzy shouts, standing up and walking over to greet her brother, then Simon. At the same time, her three friends look over at them. Simon avoids making eye contact with Clary, nervous of her recognizing him despite the changes his body’s seen from three years of hormone-replacement treatment. The testosterone shots have made him sharper, changing his previous soft features into sharp lines. A solid jaw-line and thin face, where he used to be round-faced and have chubby cheeks. The curves of his waist gone, instead he’s solid and almost triangular-shaped (he likes to compare himself to Chris Evans’ Captain America, but knows that’s a bit of a stretch. He looks good but not _that_ good.) And his previously thick thighs are now scrawny bean-pole legs with boney knees. Still, he fears Clary, his childhood best friend, whom he trusted with all his primary-school-aged-secrets, will recognize her old friend Sophie.

He distracts himself from these fears by eyeing up Izzy’s two friends. Sitting farther away, leaning against the window, a guy Simon can only describe as pixie-like. His ears are slightly pointed, and stick out from long black hair. He sits with an air of boredom, as though he could be somewhere better right now. Judging by his clothes, Simon assumes “better” means at Woodstock in ’69, hanging with his fellow hippies. Seriously, flares? In the 21st century? Simon shakes his head slightly, he’s seen weirder things.

The other guy also seems to be an alternative type, but then, what can one expect from cosmetology students. He’s Asian, but that’s not the first thing Simon notices. No, what stands out is the guy’s, well, everything. His hair is expertly styled and standing up on his head, streaked with gold. The same shade of gold as the guys eyeshadow and lipstick. The guy’s jacket is gold too, with intricate patterns on front, back and sleeves, and a black collar and lapels. Several long necklaces hang from the guy’s neck, yet the outfit doesn’t look cluttered. Simon figures this guy is what Brendon Urie would look like if he wasn’t so in denial about his bisexuality. One things for sure, the guy’s hot. Simon would definitely be interested if the guy was his type. But unfortunately, pretty and flamboyant, whilst wonderful in terms of aesthetic appreciation, couldn’t compare to masculine and tough, in Simon’s eyes. Though, Simon knows someone who totally would be interested, and looks over in Alec’s direction to gage his reaction to Izzy’s fancy friend.

After hugging her brother, Izzy lead’s them toward the table her friends wait at and introduces them.

“Alec, Simon” Izzy begins, “these are Clary, Meliorn” she gestures to Clary, who Simon nods at briefly, then the pixie-guy, and finally to the fancy-looking guy “and Magnus.” And there it is. Simon catches the exact moment Alec and Magnus make eye contact, and realizes, from a strange third-person-point-of-view, what people mean by love at first sight.

“Hi... I’m, uh. Alec. Which, my sister already told you… So. Uh… Nice to, uh. Nice to meet you.” Alec stammers over his words, holding a hand out to Magnus. Simon would have rolled his eyes if he wasn’t such a good friend, and didn’t already know how easily Alec got flustered over pretty boys. It was cute, to be honest, and Simon smirked a little when Magnus shook his blushing best friend’s hand. At that moment Simon realized Izzy and the others already had drinks, and he and Alec did not.

“Hey, Alec, I’m gonna go get us some of those cool hot chocolates. Alright?” Simon said, buying himself a bit more time before he would actually have to face speaking to Clary. He walked to the counter, the place was pretty quiet and there was no queue, and looked up at the boards naming the nearly 30 different types of hot chocolates. After about five minutes of choosing flavor, and contemplating his entire life that brought him here, to a café with Clary Fairchild several years and one gender-change after they last saw each other, he looked back down and almost gasped. Startled by both the fact that the barista seemingly materialized out of nowhere right in front of him, and that the guy is absolutely stunning, Simon stands in silence for a moment.

The guy’s got blond hair, slicked back and undercut, with the sides clearly recently shaven. Pale skin, which is surprising considering the guy looks like he’d have a decent beach-body under his white t-shirt and it’s the middle of summer. Simon concludes that the dude spends a lot of time inside. But most mesmerizing is the guys eyes, one blue, the other a mix of blue and brown. Simon reckons that if he were a poet of any kind, he could write a sonnet about them, or something. He briefly wonders if he _should_ write a song about this guy, because yeah, he’s that hot.

“Are you gonna keep staring at me, or are you gonna order?” the guy asks, with a cocky smirk on his face, interrupting Simon’s gay thoughts.

“Uh, yeah. Two of the um, salted caramel hot chocolates. Please. Uh, mediums.” Simon stammers, and feels momentarily bad for almost laughing at Alec for doing the same thing not ten minutes ago. The guy smiles again.

“Coming right up. Can I get a name for the order?” The guy picks up two of the paper cups and begins writing on them. Simon hesitates for a moment.

“Uh. Simon” he says, mentally cursing himself for still taking a moment to get it right. As though he still has to make sure he introduces himself the right way to the right person, like he did when he was still semi-closeted. Even though that was years ago, and Simon is now out and proud. The hot barista guy doesn’t seem to take any note of Simon’s hesitation, though, simply nodding and stalking off to make the drinks.

Once he’s got the drinks, Simon takes a deep breath and walks back over to his group’s corner table. He hands one of the drinks to Alec, who’s deep in conversation with Magnus, and blushing like a 12-year-old girl confessing her crush during a game of truth or dare at a sleepover. Izzy and Meliorn are caught up in conversation, which leaves Simon to sit down across from Clary, who’s leaning over a sketch book but looks up when he sits. Ok, now or never.

“Hi, I’m Clary.” The red-head speaks first, closing her book and holding a hand out to Simon. He takes the hand and shakes it firmly, unconsciously trying to assert his masculinity. He mentally slaps himself for being so pathetic that he feels the need to.

“Simon.” He introduces himself simply, then takes a swig of his hot chocolate before he says something else which could potentially give him away, or just sound stupid.

“You uh… Look sort of familiar…” Clary says, her brows knitted together. “Have we um… Met before? Or do you have a sibling?”

Simon was used to these sorts of questions, sometimes being stopped in the streets by people from his old school, or teachers, or his parents old workmates, but it didn’t make the answering any less awkward.

“Yeah. Actually, we um. We went to primary school together.” He says, biting his lip. Clary still looked confused, and he could practically _feel_ her wracking her brain for a childhood friend called Simon. He decided to make it easy on both of them. “I was Sophie back then.”

Clary’s eyes widen and her eyebrows shoot up. Simon always gets an urge to laugh at this point, whenever he tells someone like that. The faces they make are comical, a mix between embarrassment that they didn’t realize, and pure shock because they hadn’t even _imagined_ that was the reason for the recognition.

“Oh!” she almost shouts, then lowers her voice, “So you’re like… Transgender?” she asks, blushing a little, as though such a question is scandalous and should be kept hushed. For that reason Simon decides to reply in a tone slightly too loud to be appropriate in small coffee shop.

“Yes! I am transgender!” a few old people sitting reading the newspaper look up at his announcement, one or two scowling at him, but Simon doesn’t care. He doesn’t even care if hot barista guy heard, though he chances a look at the counter anyway and it appears the man’s in the backroom, and must not have heard. Simon laughs inwardly at his own boldness. Sure, he was nervous all morning about Clary realizing, but given her initial reaction wasn’t running and screaming, Simon thinks he’s alright to be a little out-and-proud about his situation. Besides, he needs to get a proper idea of just _how_ okay with it Clary is. Which seems to be a lot, since she’s giggling at his outburst.

“That’s cool” she says with a smile, “I mean. Maybe cool isn’t the right word? But I’m cool with that. More importantly though- it’s been ages! How have you been?” and with that Simon and Clary fall into conversation about their lives now, and how much everything, not just gender-things, have changed since primary school.

It’s nice, catching up with Clary, and when the time comes to leave, Simon’s positive he wouldn’t mind having her live with him and Alec. Speaking of whom, Simon sees Magnus and Alec exchange phone numbers, and smiles, proud of his best friend. He knows Alec hasn’t had a date in several months, and has never had a real relationship ever, and Magnus seems like a nice guy. Plus, he heard enough of their conversation to know that Alec was a blushing mess the whole time Magnus flirted with him, which gives Simon some choice teasing material for next time Alec’s annoying him, or being uptight about the state of the apartment, which will likely end up as messy as their dorm room had last year, thanks to Simon’s habit of never cleaning up ever.

As they left the café, Simon made eye contact with hot barista guy one last time, and cursed himself for not at least getting the guy’s name. Damn, that meant Alec was one up on him. Which never happened. Every time they went out, to clubs, house parties, concerts, even poetry slam events, Simon was always the one to come home with phone numbers scrolled on his arms. Numbers he would probably never call, because he’s picky and nobody’s actually ever attracted him enough to consider risking so much for. Given Simon’s situation, he likes to be sure whoever he associates with is worth the risk of being open with, especially because when he _is_ open, he has a high chance of being turned down for it. Simon has a feeling barista guy might be worth the risk. He’s not sure why, but something about the cocky, blond dude just seems _worth it_. Simon decides he’ll return to the café more frequently, just to see where things go.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon goes back to the café and talks to hot barista guy.

When Simon wakes up the next day, he realizes a few things. Firstly, that his chest aches and he’s struggling to breathe, indicating he slept in his binder. Again. And secondly, that he didn’t pay for the hot chocolates he bought yesterday at the café.

The first problem is solved easily, as Simon tears of his old Iron Man pajama shirt, dropping it on the floor, and pulls his binder off over his head. The task of taking his binder off was once difficult, but after doing almost daily for four years now only takes minimal struggle. He tosses the worn out, white chest-flattener in his laundry basket and stretches, letting out a yawn, then walks over to one of the bags of clothes he had packed and not yet emptied to find an outfit for the day.

The fact that he wore his binder for near 20 hours means Simon will have to leave it off for a day or so to recover, thus he takes out a grey sports bra from the bag and pulls that on, followed by a white graphic t-shirt with a picture of the “I Want To Believe” poster from The X-Files printed on the front. After tugging on a pair of torn jeans Simon turns to check his appearance in his body-length mirror which leans against the wall. He smooths a hand down the front of his shirt, inspecting the flatness of his chest, making sure it's at a minimum. Simon wonders if he’ll have to go out today, and realizes that to solve the other issue he woke up with on his mind, he will have to go back to the café.

Simon thinks he’s a pretty good person, generally honest and respectful. He would put himself at a neutral good on the D&D moral-alignment chart, which means he has an obligation to go back and pay for those drinks. Maybe that’s a good thing, Simon might see hot barista guy again, maybe even spot a name tag this time. But hot barista guy might also be pissed at Simon for essentially stealing two fancy hot chocolates that the guy spent three whole minutes making. That tugs at Simon’s mind, plus…

He looks back in the mirror and turns, checking again that his figure looks masculine enough. Simon considers himself lucky in that he’s naturally fairly flat-chested, but still he fears without his binder _people can tell_ that there’s a girl’s body under there. Which is ridiculous in itself, Simon’s body _isn’t_ a girl’s body- he’s a guy, and therefor it’s a guy’s body. But Simon is really hoping to get somewhere, _anywhere_ with hot barista guy, and if the dude can tell he’s different off the bat, well, Simon might never get to consider the dude anything more than an excellent hot chocolate maker.

Oh well, Simon thinks, who cares what the guy thinks- what’s important is that balance is restored in the universe and the goddamn hot chocolates get payed for. Speaking of balance, technically Alec was responsible for the theft of one of those drinks… Simon’s a student, and therefore every penny he spends is worth something, and he’s not above scrounging for cash. So he guesses it’s only _fair_ that one of the drinks gets payed for out of Alec’s hand, in order to save himself $4.50. Plus, Alec’s doing a law degree, which means he’s got a brighter, more successful future ahead of him than Simon, who’s majoring in media studies, of all things, and is going to spend his life working in a supermarket telling customers about his in-depth understanding of the history of reality TV.

Simon waltzes out of his bedroom, ready with a number of arguments about why he needs to borrow $4.50 from his flatmate _right now_ , when he realizes Alec’s talking animatedly on the phone. Judging by the blush Simon can see on the back of Alec’s neck as he faces away from him, leaning on the kitchen counter, the person he’s talking to is Magnus. Either that or Alec’s got the number of some other cute, flirty guy overnight while Simon was in bed asleep, in which case, _bastard_. Such conspiracy is put to rest though, when Alec fucking _giggles_ into the phone and says

“Uh, yeah, Magnus. I’m free pretty much all the time until next Monday, when uni start back.” And then blushes again and follows up with “I… Yes I’d like that.”

Simon rolls his eyes at his best friend’s borderline-annoying shyness. Which he needs to stop doing until he admits that he’s really just as bad around cute guys. Still, the moment provides Simon with enough cover to sneak into Alec’s bedroom, grab his roommate’s wallet off the chest of drawers, steal a $5 note, put the wallet back, and dives back out the room.

“Alec, I’m going out. I’ll be back in a bit.” Simon shouts as he pulls on a pair of worn converse and walks out the front door. He doubts Alec heard him, considering how caught up he was in that phone call. It’s sort of sweet, Simon thinks, and he’s happy for his best friend _finally_ hitting it off well with someone. He only hopes he can be as successful with hot barista guy as he jogs off in the direction of the café.

 

* * *

 

Once he arrives at the café, Simon realizes he spent the entire walk thinking about Alec and Magnus, and weighing up the pros and cons of his best friend getting into a relationship with the guy. Would Magnus be making frequent visits? Would Simon have to give the guy the “this is my best friend and you have to treat him well” speech? Or was that Izzy’s job? Does Simon even _like_ the guy? He hardly spoke to him when they met up yesterday, and for all he knows Magnus is actually four-hundred-year-old wizard hell bent on taking over the world by seducing everyone he meets with his good looks, fancy clothes and charm.

Okay, that’s unlikely to be the case, especially the four-hundred-year-old wizard part, the thought of Magnus being secretly immortal and able to do magic? _Ridiculous_. But the point here is that Simon’s just realized he doesn’t know what he’s going to say when he gets inside the café. There’s no easy way of saying “hey I accidentally stole two hot chocolates yesterday so I’m here to pay for those and also maybe get that smoking hot blond barista’s number?”  
Or maybe that’s exactly how to put it. Simon thinks as he pushes open the door, hears the little bell ring, and walks over to the counter. Hot barista is sitting down behind the bench with his head bent over a comic book in his lap. Simon tries not to stare, but can tell on further inspection that the comic is a vintage 1988 copy of “2000 AD: featuring Judge Dredd.” Simon’s heart skips a beat, his internal monologue screaming _holy shit this guy’s a nerd! Could he get any more perfect! You guys are actually going to have something to bond over! Simon you’ve gotta marry this dude!_ And wow okay, _that’s_ a little overdramatic, even for an intrusive thought. Simon can feel himself blushing at his own melodrama. To make things worse, it just happens that this exact moment, hot barista chooses to look up.

“Simon.” He says, standing up and walking to the till. And oh boy, he remembers Simon’s name. “What brings you back so soon? Was the hot chocolate that irresistible?” he smirks and runs a hand through his hair.

“No! Um. I just. I forgot to pay. Yesterday. For the drinks!” Simon says quickly, stumbling over his words, but surprising himself that he managed to get the sentence out at all. He’s almost glad he’s not wearing his binder today, considering he’s struggling to breathe around this guy-as is. The dude’s pretty-as-heck eyes are piercing into him and all Simon can think is _I’m so fucking gay holy shit look at this dude._

“Oh, alright” barista guy says, and he almost sounds disappointed, which Simon thinks is weird. “I didn’t even notice, but yeah if you’ve got the money I’ll ring that up now.” The guy starts punching numbers into the till and Simon suspects the dude’s offended that Simon’s not buying another drink, so he speaks up.

“Actually, the drinks were great. I’d actually like to order another one. Of the same, the um. Salted caramel.” So much for trying to save money, Simon thinks, and is suddenly really glad he stole the 5 bucks from Alec’s wallet, because he really didn’t want to be paying for three whole drinks in one go.

“Yeah? Cool. I’ll make that for you now” the barista says, and starts writing on one of the paper cups, after accepting the cash which Simon hands over determinedly. “So.” The guy pauses, and for a moment Simon’s hoping he’s about to give his name, or number, or something, “did your boyfriend like the drink too?” he asks, sounding almost shy, and Simon snorts.

“Boyfriend?” He questions, as though it’s not painfully obvious the guy’s referring to Alec. Simon lost track of how many times he and Alec had been assumed to be a couple. Still, he played along in mere hope of getting to speak to barista guy a little longer.

“Yeah. The tall dude you were with yesterday.” Barista guy asserts, sounding a little bolder. Simon _prays_ that he’s asking because he’s interested, and that the fact that Simon’s answer suggested that they’re _not_ dating is the reason why the guy’s voice is slowly returning to its confident tone.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Simon says surely, “he’s my flatmate. I don’t, like, have a boyfriend. But yeah, he liked the drink.” Barista guy smiles, and Simon’s not sure if it’s in response to the fact that Simon’s single as fuck, or the compliment to the drink. Or perhaps the guy’s relieved that _Alec_ might be single. Which would really piss Simon off, if that’s the case, because having his best friend first get a date with one hot guy, only to spark the interest of another hot guy, who happens to be the hot guy Simon’s crushing on. Yeah, that would be too much. Alec’s already got one-up on Simon, if the phone-call with Magnus is anything to go by, Simon would really not appreciate ending up two steps behind his best friend in their competition to see who will end up in a relationship first.

“That’s good to hear.” Barista guy replies, Simon sees him scribbling something on his cup, but doesn’t question it. “I’m always glad when my talents are appreciated.” Simon guesses that answers his question, although he thinks the guy could be flirting. Simon’s not used to being on the receiving end when both parties are sober, though, so it’s hard to tell. The man hands over his cup and Simon says his thanks, he’s about to ask the guy for his name when another customer walks in and hot, blond barista turns to attend to them. Simon takes this as his cue to leave, and though he's disappointed that his conversation with bartista guy was so short, he realizes he needs to get home and start unpacking his room. So Simon turns and walks out the door, taking a swig of his hot chocolate which somehow tastes even better today, and misses how the barista turns back to watch him walk out after he finishes with the customer.

 

* * *

 

It’s only once Simon’s left the café and is halfway home, finishing off his hot chocolate and about to dump it in a public bin that sees what barista guy wrote on the cup. It’s a name, Jace, and a number. Simon nearly screams in excitement, which is pretty embarrassing. He also notes that there’s a crude-looking winky-face drawn under the number, which he thinks is cute, and certainly answers any and all questions he had about whether the guy was flirting with him. Simon tries his hardest not to skip home, knowing he would look like an absolute fool, but it’s difficult considering how damned overjoyed he. Not only does he now know that Jace is the gorgeous barista’s name, but he’s interested in Simon! And Simon has his number!   
When he arrives back at his and Alec’s flat, he swings the door open, practically leaping inside and ready to tell his best friend that _he got the hot barista guy’s number!_ He’s officially no longer a step behind Alec in their friendly race-to-relationship competition. Also did he mention, the hot barista guy likes him back!!  


Upon entering the living room, however, Simon is met with a sight that he was neither expecting, nor ever really wanted to see. It’s not so much a disgusting or scarring occurrence, but it is one that’s certainly shocking, and makes Simon decide to put off sharing his good news with the world, at least for an hour or so. Alec and Magnus are lying on the couch, fully clothed (thank god), and making out. Simon’s eyes widen as two thoughts pass through his brain at once. _Well, that happened quick_ being the first, and the second: _for fucks sake Alec still has one-up on me!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters in less than 24 hours?? Don't expect this to be the case every time because I'm usually a lot more lazy than this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Alec talk. Simon finally texts Jace.

Simon had been sitting in his bedroom playing games on his phone for half an hour when he hears the front door closing, shortly followed by a knock on his bedroom door.

“Come in.” Simon says, though his and Alec’s relationship is close enough that the attitude toward personal space between them is almost nonexistent, and normally neither of them have any problem barging into each other’s rooms without permission. Simon figures Alec is trying to be considerate after what just happened in the other room. Not that it really bothered Simon, though he is moderately fearful of his best friend getting hurt by moving too fast. Plus he's still a little skeptical of Magnus and his intentions.

Alec opens the door and sticks his head in, “Magnus just left.” He says, walking in slowly and sitting down next to Simon on the floor, between boxes still packed. “Sorry about, uh. You know. I should have warned you I’d invited him round.” Alec blushes, and Simon thinks it’s sort of sweet how shy Alec gets about romance and relationships.

“Dude, it’s okay.” Simon says, clapping Alec on the shoulder, “I really don’t mind. I’m glad you’re having a good time.” He pauses “although, maybe warn me before you guys ever decide to do anything… _more_ on the couch in the living room.”

Alec laughs, “Yeah, I promise I will. Plus… We’ve decided to, you know, slow down and stuff. I mean, today just sort of got out of hand… We mostly spent the morning talking but like, God. He’s _so hot_ and I’m _so fucking gay_.”

Simon snorts, “I know the feeling.”

“Hmm? You came in looking all smug. Is that why? Did you meet someone while you were out?”

Now it’s Simon’s turn to blush, “Actually yeah. The barista at that café we went to yesterday.” He holds up the coffee cup with the name and number and shows it to Alec. “Blond guy, gorgeous eyes, made those delicious hot chocolates.”

“Nice job, Simon!” Alec raises his hand for a high-five and Simon returns it. “Have you texted him yet?”

“No, not yet.” Simon replies, then pauses, thinking. “I’m not sure, actually, if I should…” he trails off and looks at the ground shamefully.

“Why not?” Alec asks, though he’s already guessed. Simon does this almost every time a potential relationship loomed. He gets nervous, mistrusting and shuts himself off from any harm that may come.

“Well, you know why.” Simon mumbles, “Because I’m not cis. I can’t just be careless with relationships or hook up with just anyone. What if when I tell this guy I’m trans he leaves? Or what if he’s only in it for sex, which is completely fine except for the fact he’s probably expecting me to have a dick! What if-“

“Simon.” Alec cuts him off in his ‘I-am-right-and-this-is-non-negotiable’ voice, one used regularly toward Simon, particularly in arguments about chores or what movie to watch at 3 in the morning when neither of them can sleep. “I get it.” He starts, then shakes his head. “Or, I guess I don’t really. But I know well enough what you’re worried about, and I know you’re overthinking this. I’ve been in the closet too, remember? I know it’s different, but being super distrustful of people before coming out to them has been like, half my life.”

“Where are you going with this?” Simon asks, not rudely or obnoxiously, but out of genuine curiosity of how Alec intends to make his soliloquy encouraging.

“Before I came out to my parents, and subsequently to the rest of the world, Izzy told me not to overthink it. Because I couldn’t keep hiding in fear of the ‘what if’s.” Alec sighs, “This isn’t new information to you, of course. But I think sometimes you need reminding that you can’t hide from relationships or feelings just because there’s a risk that it’s going to end badly.”

Simon nods and looks up at Alec, “I guess you’re right.” He mumbles, “I can’t just assume the worst in people. That’s your job, as the resident grumpy asshole.”

Alec smirks, only for a moment, “Exactly. You’re taking my job from me. Stop doing that and text this guy. He might surprise you.” He claps Simon on the shoulder and stands up, “Anyway, I was gonna make mac-and-cheese for lunch. You want some?”

“Yeah sure” Simon says, standing up and facing Alec, “and thank you” he says genuinely, “I needed that.”

“What are friends for?” Alec says, despite his typical monotone voice Simon can tell he was sincerely glad to help.

“Really though. I love you dude.” Simon smiles, “no homo.”

Alec rolls his eyes, “love you too. No homo”

Simon stands in his room for a moment after Alec leaves. He thinks to himself, even if things with Jace go absolutely horribly, (that is of course if Simon ever texts him), even if the dude’s a transphobic mess with terrible breath and no manners, Simon’s got Alec, the best friend he could ever ask for, he doesn’t really ever need anyone more than that.

* * *

 

Simon spends half an hour unpacking boxes in his room before Alec comes in to tell him that lunch was ready.

As the two men sit eating the vegetarian mac-and-cheese, Alec brings up the conversation of inviting Clary to flat with them.

“Was she cool with you? When you told her?” Alec asks, referring to when Simon told Clary he was trans the previous day. “I mean ultimately whether you feel comfortable around her is what’s gonna decide if we’ll let her move in.”

Simon smiles in response and swallows his bite of food. Despite being friends with Alec for over a year by now, the two had rooms next to each other in their hall of residents last year, he’s still moved by how considerate the man always was. “Yeah she was chill about it. I’m keen for her to move in. I think we could do with another person helping with the chores around here. Plus it would cut down on rent for the two of us.”

Alec nods, “I agree. You sure you’re comfortable?”

“I’m sure.” Simon agrees, finishing his food and taking his and Alec’s empty plates to wash in the sink. “Clary’s always been a good person, she said she’s okay with the trans thing and I believe her.”

“Alright great. I’ll invite her around tomorrow and we can talk about it?” Alec asks, walking over to help dry the dishes and put them away.

“Sure thing.” Simon says, “Anyway I’m gonna go finish unpacking my room.”

“Of course.” Alec replies, “And I’m going to go out and do some grocery shopping, we’re almost out of milk now.”

* * *

 

It takes another hour for Simon to finish unpacking boxes and setting up his room. He sets up his bed, which for now is just a single mattress on his floor, because he hasn’t managed to buy a proper frame yet. He has two small bookshelves, which take two attempts to put together, in one corner of the room, and Star Wars and Dr. Who posters on the walls, along with framed pictures of him with his mother and sister, both pre and post-transition. A few years ago Simon would have felt uncomfortable looking at the pictures of his pre-pubescent, long-haired self. But three years of T, and a lot of personal growth has lead him to being accepting, even proud, of his life before coming out. Sure, he’s still disgusted at his younger self’s fashion choices - namely the bright pink crocs - but he doesn’t feel shame, guilt or dysphoria looking at the pictures. Simon has learnt to own his past and is unashamed of his identity as a transgender person.

This train of thought reminds Simon of his earlier conversation with Alec, about being self-assured and taking risks. When he finishes packing, Simon sits on his mattress-bed and takes out his phone. He had added Jace’s number to his contacts earlier, under the name “Jace (Cute Barista)”, and he clicked on the contact and typed out a message. Then erased it. Then typed another. Erased that. Tried about three more times before settling on:

_Hey Jace. This is Simon, from the coffee shop._

Simple, but gets the point across. Plus Simon is too shy to immediately ask the guy out.  He would rather have a conversation first and see where it goes. Or maybe that’s the excuse he’s using, in reality Simon just wanted Jace to be the one to ask him out. Fortunately a reply comes soon after Simon sends the message (his thumb having hovered over the “send” button in hesitation for several minutes first.)

_Hi Simon :) Are you free for lunch Friday? Ps. I think ur cute_

Simon can’t stop himself from blushing, which was alright considering he’s alone in his bedroom, but he’ll have to learn to control himself later if he wants to actually impress Jace at all. He quickly types out a reply:

_Yes I’m free, and thanks. I also think ur rlly cute too._

They organize a time and place to meet, outside Jace’s coffee shop workplace at 12. Simon barely refrains from leaping into the air with joy. Instead he walks calmly out of his room to watch TV until his best friend got back from shopping. Then he would tell Alec the news; that he, Simon Lewis, finally had a date with a hot guy. 

He doesn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I'm so sorry this chapter took me ages to write/upload, and that it's a little shorter than the other chapters. I have no excuse, I'm just a very good procrastinator.  
> I'd also like to explain a few things since the "Jimon" starts to make an appearance in this chapter.  
> 
> 
> \- I do not ship Jace/Simon very much personally. My preferred ship for Simon is with Raphael, but due to the nature of this fanfiction and topics that will be explored in future chapters relating to being transgender in a sexual relationship, Raphael would obviously be an inappropriate choice to pair Simon with. (I'm not going to challenge someones canon sexuality when it is one already so underrepresented in the media.)
> 
> \- In short this means that if I don't put so much focus on the romantic elements of the fic, particularly those between Jace and Simon - it's for a reason. And the reason is I don't want to.
> 
> \- The focus of this fic is not on the romance or ships - they are a significant element of it, yes - but the purpose and ideas of this story are centered around Simon's life as a trans man, and how that affects (or does not affect) his relationships with the world and people. So if you came here looking for sweet shippy stuff, don't get annoyed that there's only a minimal amount of it.


End file.
